The Honest Application
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to you because my crippling self doubt has me second guessing my application to Oxford. Having few skills in life besides being good at school, I figured it best to continue my education. The responsibilities that come with being an adult in the workplace scare me, and hence I would like to continue being coddled in the realm of theory. Additionally, Political Theory is of interest to me as it can easily be applied in conversations over dinner or drinks. The arguments with which I would engage in this masters would allow me to fool my friends into thinking I am politically engaged, even though I simply pay a lot of money to be taught mildly subversive theory at an elitist institution. Luckily, I am priviledged enough to have a scholarship that finances my floundering, as well as parents who are happy to believe I have actual potential as an academic.
I am interested in your university specifically, because it is located in London, meaning I would not have to move house. Since I have exhausted the dating pool at the LSE, I look forward to meeting new and engaging people in the university community. Additionally, the concise nature of the one-year masters is ideal for someone with serious commitment issues like myself. I look forward to engaging in interesting discussions with my peers and professors, though I have not taken the time to research who they are.
Thank you for considering my application.
A third year, deep in her existential crisis